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Stonehaven
Day 1. 0 miles

Journey starts here! Now!

Stonehaven, according to Mr. Internet, has one of the most picturesque harbours in Britain. Virtually sitting here looking at the photos of it, I have to agree. It’s made even more pleasant by having two pubs nestled into the pretty row of houses lining it. And the owners are very happy to let you take beer off premises, wander across the road, sit on the harbour wall and slake your thirst watching people fall off boats.

While you virtually enjoy yourself on the harbour wall you are in the heart of the Auld Toon; a fishing village founded by Iron Age folks. So stuff here is genuinely old. In fact a fossil of the oldest known land animal was found here. It was some sort of ancient millipede. If it were alive today, it would probably be hunted and deep fried. Because if the list of restaurants in town is anything to go by, they love fried food as much as the traditional Scottish Curry here. So much, in fact, that the Fish and Chip shop just round the virtual corner is where the deep fried Mars Bar was invented.

Inventive folks, the Stanehivers! Add pneumatic tyres and fountain pens to the list of stuff we’d be without if they weren’t.

Tourism is obviously important to the town. Not far from Auntie Betty’s – a sweetie shop that sells exotic ice cream flavours like Irn Bru (a wonderful Scottish soda containing actual metal) and tablet (a kind of rock hard vanilla fudge) adorned with even more exotic toppings is the only outdoor heated swimming pool left in Scotland. Although this is a virtual journey, I’d like to report that in real life I worked at this pool and fell in it trying to show off to a lassie; filling my wellies with its warm, brackish water. The object of my affections was just as impressed as she should have been so we never even spoke.

Years later my father helped restore and maintain the pool. If we had a Family Crest I assume it would be etched into the walls here somewhere.

On this virtually gorgeous summer day it seems strange to think of winter. But on this very spot on December 31 the locals gather at midnight to enjoy an age old tradition; they celebrate Hogmonay with the Stonehaven Fireballs. It’s one of the many fire ceremonies in Scotland. Dozens of people walk up and down a narrow, crowded road wielding large balls of fire and trying to avoid the thousands of spectators lining the street. It is as spectacular and reckless as it sounds.

Like Lewis Grassic Gibbon (the writer of ‘Sunset Song’ who went to school in Stonehaven) the folks around here spin a good yarn. If you virtually visit the War Memorial on your way to your next destination, you’ll wonder why it looks half finished. “Like the lives it commemorates” is the official line. What a great way to mask the probable truth that the town ran out of money during construction.

Drink up now. It’s time to move on. Perhaps steel yourself for the long tramp south to Drumlithie with one of those tasty deep fried Mars Bars. You can even smother it in Irn Bru ice cream sprinkled with gummy bears if you have a taste for it.